Accidents

So I was reading Dad-Gone-Mad today and it reminded me of my first accident.


I remember when I was 16 with my drivers permit.  My parents let me drive to go to my Great-grandfathers house in LA. Well it was a stick shift and as traffic does on the 5, it backed up fast.   Being in experienced, I hit the damn clutch instead of the brake and rear-ended the car in front of me.

Now this was in the years before the seat belt laws and the lady in the car that I hit wasn't wearing hers. Her face hit the steering wheel and it punched out her front teeth with the associated blood flowing.

After making sure my folks were okay and the lady was as good as she could be, the shakes hit me.  I was sitting there on the freeway looking at this mangled mess that I had caused while the CHP walked around and did the investigation. 

That's when it happened.

A dude in a raised 4x4 cruised by and said "Hey! No parking on the freeway!"

I lost it.

All the guilt, fear and anger welled up in me and I ran after that S.O.B (even now, 24 years later, I'm getting worked up about it).   I almost caught him when one of the CHP officers caught up with me.  I don't know exactly what I would have done if I had caught up with that guy, but I'm sure it would have resulted in me meeting a Judge.

My gas

So I was cruising the internetz today and I came across this news story about a man using stink bombs and super fart spray while shopping with his Girlfriend.  I mentioned this to the wife and her comment back was "Dear, you could do that without the stink bombs and fart spray. Remember you've almost caused accidents and made the dog run out of the room."

Ah the power of my gas...

How to shock a store clerk.

I'm a bath person.

Yes I'm a guy, but I freely admit to loving baths and just soaking.

I suppose that this love of baths came from the fact that I'm constantly reading a book and it's just easier to read a book in a bath than in the shower.  Yes, if I'm not taking a bath, I do read in the shower (don't ask, but I do).

All that being said, I was lamenting to my friend Jammies on the difficulties of getting decent bath products as I was disillusioned by Mr. Bubbles and wanted something better. Oh the squeal of joy that Jammies let loose was heard from Ohio to California and soon I was being educated in the world of Lush. 

Fast forward to the other night when I was down near the closest Lush store to me and I took the opportunity to stop in and re-stock on my depleted supply.  Tthe two ladies that were working there were probably bored and what I would assume is the unique fact that a solitary guy wearing a Raiders shirt walks into the perked them right up.

"Can I help you Sir?" said the first one.


"Nope, I'm good" I said, and I proceeded to start pickup up Bath Bombs and Bubble Bars. Granted, it is their job, but clerk #1, seeing my selections started to suggest things to go along with the items I've picked up.

"Oh the Big Blue,  well if you add the frilly-girly super-gay whatsamacallit bubble bar to that you get this whole Mermaid effect and feeling..."

"Hold your horses there... I think the whole mermaid thing is a bit much for me" I said in a deeper than normal voice.

"Oh well we have this new supersexy product thing-a-ma-bob that has this wonderful glitter..."

I quickly interjected with "Nope, no glitter either.  Thanks tho." and I proceeded to quickly add a few more things to my stack-o-items.

Not wanting to be subjected to more "suggestions", I quickly wrapped it up and went to the register to be rung up so I could get out and back home.  After all was rung up she said "Okay that will be $1,294,723,263 and 27 cents". 

At least that's what I thought I heard.

Now granted the figure was substantially less, but it was still significantly high to where my eyes got big and I exclaimed "Wha HOW much huh!?!?!?".

At this point, both store clerk startled and their eyes got as big as saucers and they involuntarily took half a step back and I think one of them actually let a tiny fart go in fear.

Realizing that I scared these poor girls with my exclamation at the sticker shock, I quickly commented that I didn't think I had grabbed as much product as I had.  We all had a giggle about it and how quickly Lush products can add up.

After paying I quickly exited the store, but I swear I thought I heard one of them say "So do you think he's gay or not?"

I'm buying online from now on dang it!