How to shock a store clerk.

I'm a bath person.

Yes I'm a guy, but I freely admit to loving baths and just soaking.

I suppose that this love of baths came from the fact that I'm constantly reading a book and it's just easier to read a book in a bath than in the shower.  Yes, if I'm not taking a bath, I do read in the shower (don't ask, but I do).

All that being said, I was lamenting to my friend Jammies on the difficulties of getting decent bath products as I was disillusioned by Mr. Bubbles and wanted something better. Oh the squeal of joy that Jammies let loose was heard from Ohio to California and soon I was being educated in the world of Lush. 

Fast forward to the other night when I was down near the closest Lush store to me and I took the opportunity to stop in and re-stock on my depleted supply.  Tthe two ladies that were working there were probably bored and what I would assume is the unique fact that a solitary guy wearing a Raiders shirt walks into the perked them right up.

"Can I help you Sir?" said the first one.


"Nope, I'm good" I said, and I proceeded to start pickup up Bath Bombs and Bubble Bars. Granted, it is their job, but clerk #1, seeing my selections started to suggest things to go along with the items I've picked up.

"Oh the Big Blue,  well if you add the frilly-girly super-gay whatsamacallit bubble bar to that you get this whole Mermaid effect and feeling..."

"Hold your horses there... I think the whole mermaid thing is a bit much for me" I said in a deeper than normal voice.

"Oh well we have this new supersexy product thing-a-ma-bob that has this wonderful glitter..."

I quickly interjected with "Nope, no glitter either.  Thanks tho." and I proceeded to quickly add a few more things to my stack-o-items.

Not wanting to be subjected to more "suggestions", I quickly wrapped it up and went to the register to be rung up so I could get out and back home.  After all was rung up she said "Okay that will be $1,294,723,263 and 27 cents". 

At least that's what I thought I heard.

Now granted the figure was substantially less, but it was still significantly high to where my eyes got big and I exclaimed "Wha HOW much huh!?!?!?".

At this point, both store clerk startled and their eyes got as big as saucers and they involuntarily took half a step back and I think one of them actually let a tiny fart go in fear.

Realizing that I scared these poor girls with my exclamation at the sticker shock, I quickly commented that I didn't think I had grabbed as much product as I had.  We all had a giggle about it and how quickly Lush products can add up.

After paying I quickly exited the store, but I swear I thought I heard one of them say "So do you think he's gay or not?"

I'm buying online from now on dang it!